How to Discuss Intimacy Issues with your Partner
Before or After Treatment for Major Illnesses like Cancer
- Consult with your doctor. Openly discuss intimacy and sexuality with your doctor or other healthcare professional. Also find out if hormone treatment, implant or reconstructive surgery is appropriate to restore desire (libido), a positive self-image and a deeper connection with your spouse or partner.
- Go beyond medical mechanics. Along with your spouse or partner, make sure to talk with your doctor about your broader intimacy concerns. Initially you can ask how to improve your primary personal relationship physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. If your physician prefers, jointly seek a referral to a competent, compassionate and responsive intimacy expert.
- Communicate openly with your spouse or partner. Discuss what works and what doesn’t work in your sexual relations without being self-denigrating or judgmental about each other.
- “Make love,” don’t just “have sex”. Full body contact in a loving relationship should be your primary goal, rather than just intercourse. This will help avoid added stress for you or your spouse/partner due to general anxiety or specific fears like feelings of inadequacy and rejection.
- Focus on sensual arousal. Realize that sexuality involves smelling, seeing, hearing, touching and emotional “feeling” with your entire body. Be fully present while you and your spouse/partner enjoy touching each other, and savor every caress you get or give, while using all your senses.
- Explore what masculinity and femininity are all about. Have chronic illness or treatment effects made you feel less than a complete man or woman? If so, remind yourself that your gender and who you are as a person are not defined by any disfigurement or how well your genitals function.
